Am I well today? – No. Am I really unwell? – Not sure. When was the last time I was this unwell? – Sunday, June 6. What did I do then? – I didn't take the Lorazepam. Is today better? – Yes. In what way? – Didn't cry all day. Didn't spend the day in my … Continue reading Setback Q and A
I have ten Lorazepam pills left. Why am I googling this? What the fuck's wrong with me? Of course I can't really overdose on ten milligrams of Lorazepam. I envisioned drifting into a nice deep sleep, just maybe not hurting that much anymore, if only for a couple hours. I mean, sure, if I didn't … Continue reading Can I overdose on…
I can't watch anything on TV – concentration isn't there. Books. How about books? I said I'd spend the kids' holidays reading. But today, my thoughts keep drifting. Okay. Take a walk? But it's stormy outside. I could try yoga, but yesterday's attempt didn't work out. I can barely climb the stairs today. Something's wrong … Continue reading About (my) privilege
These past days – you must have guessed – have been some of the hardest of my life. The first anniversary of my breakdown hit me hard – especially since it coincided with the re-evaluation of certain relationships that have been important in my life. I decided to be strict with myself. I'm not letting my soft … Continue reading Thank the universe for women
I'll just say it: this getting off the antidepressants thing is going less than well. This weekend, Urban did all the housework. I cooked a little bit, but that was about it. Other than that, I kept shouting at the kids for no apparent reason (why do they have to talk when they're in the … Continue reading This shit’s hard.
Disclaimer: I am upset as I write this. There's a certain disillusionment and cynicism. If you're a close friend of mine or married to me, you might not want to read this. It might be disturbing. Today was supposed to be a good day. It marks one year from by breakdown, which caused me to … Continue reading Should I have died?
It's finally time. Burnout, breakdowns, a year of crying and therapy. Three fourths of my family is in therapy right now. My husband is in the process of (possibly) getting an autism diagnosis. My daughter is learning to cope with stress – and with mentally ill parents. And, last but not least, the person who … Continue reading Going off the meds